I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other - Rainer Maria Rilke
One of my unhealthy patterns in love (judging) that I have been working on over the last few years is my tendency to see my partners as my whole world. I don’t know why I had that pattern; it could be my Mediterranean side that likes to be overdramatic and passionate at times, a deep longing, a desire to make sense of these cheesy love songs, or simply me forgetting to create a world outside of my relationship.
But one thing I know now is that when you see your partner as your whole world, what happens then when inevitably that relationship ends? Spoiler alert, you feel like your whole world just collapsed. Then you will have to start to a process of rebuilding your whole world from scratch until you find somebody else.
Now I’m hearing a voice in my head that tells me “Okay smartass, so what are you suggesting then? Aren’t you appreciating the beauty of being a relationship with someone, and building a world together?” Well yes, I completely appreciate that beauty, and I believe it is one of the precious, beautiful experience any human being can have in this life. However, I am talking about not losing ourselves when we are in relationship.
It's reminiscent of that song by Milky & Chance: "Lose yourself to the moment, to no one else." So, how can we ensure that we don't lose ourselves in the early days of a relationship when everything feels euphoric, almost like a drug, and we're tempted to immerse ourselves entirely in that person?
In his book Love, Freedom and Aloneness, Osho kindly warns us, “Don’t forget to meditate when you are in love”. Meditation is one of the ways that not only helps us avoid losing ourselves but also reminds us of who we are. It will help us to lose ourselves only to the moment.
Meditation will also allow you to hold your challenging emotions the way a mother holds her baby, so that you don’t have to depend on your partner.
We possess the capacity to build a relationship in which we feel deeply connected to our partner without sacrificing our individuality. We can create conscious relationships, where we remain awake and intentional, fueled by love without being imprisoned by it. Love is even more beautiful when it feels liberating, when it feels light.
Have you ever felt like you completely lost yourself in a relationship? If so, are you willing to approach things differently this time?